The Concept of Personal Space

It’s an unwritten rule that you allow every individual their personal space. You don’t stand too close to someone in a queue, you don’t get really close when you’re chatting to someone and you try and allow as much personal space as possible on a bus. We’ve all been on a bus at rush hour and someone who is larger than average sits next to you taking up not only all their seat, but squishing you up against the window and blocking the aisle with their legs all at the same time. It’s inconvenient but on a bus it’s sort of acceptable because buses just aren’t made to respect the rules of personal space.

So why is it we unconsciously follow the rules of personal space everyday but if you’re pregnant all those rules go out of the window?

People seem to think it’s their privilege to walk up to you and pat you on your tummy and I don’t know why. You wouldn’t do it normally so why do it to a pregnant person? If someone asked whether it was all right if they felt your bump that’s fine – I could live with that, but I cannot abide people walking up to me, crossing the boundaries of personal space and feeling my tummy as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

One person even went as far to lift my top up (yes, really) so she could get a good look at my bump. It didn’t matter that I’ve known her for a long time; I was shocked and horrified. Pregnant or not I do not go around baring my tummy to all despite the fact my husband was (and still is) desperate for me to show off my bump to all and sundry. I like to think that I have maintained a level of sophistication throughout my pregnancy and allowing people to lift my top up to look at my bump does not come under the category of sophistication.

I was mortified and speechless. Obviously I didn’t want to be rude and say that I actually found it unacceptable, as she is someone I have known for a while, but seriously, what was she thinking? My husband said the look on my face was one of pure disgust and yet he couldn’t actually see what the issue was. As you can imagine I made rather a quick exit as I was also feeling slightly embarrassed and decided the best way to handle the situation was to think nothing more of it.

Until the same person came up to me today to touch my bump. Again. Without permission. I thought she might have got an indication I wasn’t overly happy about what happened last time, but clearly not. Perhaps she thinks it’s acceptable but I most certainly do not. And yet, I’m still worrying about offending her because if I say something, she would be mortified, I am sure.

Sometimes I can’t but wonder what makes people think their behaviour is acceptable when most would regard it as not. I would not touch anyone’s bump, not even my closest friend’s without permission as it is crossing the boundary of personal space and something I am aware not everyone would be comfortable with. So if I feel that way, what makes other people think differently?

Perhaps I am overreacting. The person concerned is nice and friendly and is really excited about the baby. Perhaps this is her way of showing her enthusiasm for us and I know she doesn’t mean any harm. Different people are brought up in different environments with different rules and experiences (this is what makes us different) and whereas I am the sort of person who will always maintain a level of personal space no matter who it is I am with, there are others who are perhaps more comfortable with themselves and other people which allows them to invade personal space without a second thought.